Wry & Dry

Wry & Dry Person of the Year. Go on, impeach me. So they did.

Wry & Dry's Person of the Year 

Without a doubt, the most prestigious of all of the Man/ Woman/Non-binary/Person/Country/Sportsperson of The Year Award is Wry & Dry's Person of the Year (cue drum roll).

Awarded to the person who did the most to change the shape of world history during the year, 2019's award has been the most difficult to decide. 

To the hopefuls, all Wry & Dry can say is, well, try harder.

To the nominees: nice work, but there can be only one winner.

To the winner: Wry & Dry's bank account details are in the mail.

Wry & Dry's First XI (nominees, in alphabetical order)

Corbyn, Jezza, Leader of the UK Labour Party; for deliberately running a monumentally incompetent election campaign that would ensure that Borisconi won and that Brexit would occur.   Because Jezza backed Brexit.

Cartoon Jezza

Hartzer, Brian, former Westpac CEO; for bravely putting attention to gender equality at the bank's senior executive level ahead of its obligations to its customers, ASIC, Austrac and shareholders.

Joyce, Barnaby, former Deputy Prime Minister; for putting his head above the parapet and his feet into his mouth at intervals regular enough to ensure ongoing employment for Australian cartoonists. 

artoon barnaby

Kim Jong Un, President of North Korea; for successfully and continually teasing the President of the USA with the bait of nuclear disarmament without any intention of so doing.

Kim Jong Un's cobbler; for successfully and without detection raising the height of his client (170cm) so his client could eyeball the president of the Yoo-Ess-Ay (190cm).

Lam, Carrie, Chief Executive of the former British colony of Hong Kong; for excellence in amazingly failing to read the mood of the meeting.  The meeting being of some 7.3m people.   

Mountbatten-Windsor, Andrew, Duke of York, etc; for all by himself stoking the dying fires of, at the same time, UK republicanism and of BBC viewership.

Cartoon i did not have sex

Mountbatten-Windsor, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex; for repeatedly showing that self-absorption, pouting and entitlement are not the sole preserve of Millennials.

Pelosi, Nancy, Speaker of the House; for achieving something that not even Kim Jong-Un, Tsar Putin, Justine Trudeau or any late night talk-show host has been able to do: driving President Trump absolutely nutzo.  His six-page letter to her in response to the impeachment confirmed that she has completely unhinged him.  

Person Unknown, pollster for the Australian Labor Party; for overestimating the popularity of the party's policies, thus ensuring their carriage into the party's failed election campaign.  

Trump, Donald, President of the Yoo-Ess-Ay; for making such a meal of his job that as many as 22 Democrat Wannabee presidents queue up for the right to challenge him. 

The Winner

Corbyn, Jezza, Leader of the UK Labour Party. 

Readers will know that Jezza was and is a Europhobe.  And wanted Brexit.  His skillful and artful encouragement of an extreme left-wing election campaign and his deliberate masquerading as a 1960s ideologue was a masterstroke of political genius.  It ensured that Borisconi would win the election comfortably and be able to enable Brexit.

Such political ingenuity has not been since Hitler decided to invade Russia in 1941.  

Readers will join with Wry & Dry in congratulating Jezza on winning this prestigious award.

Runner up

Mountbatten-Windsor, Andrew, Duke of York.

Jezza shouldn't get a big head from winning the award. It was a damn close run thing [1].  Prince Andrew is a most worthy runner up. He brilliantly executed how to fail Public Relations Rule #1: If you haven't got something to say, then don't say it.  What better way than to bare all, as it were, on BBC television in front of the UK's most eviscerating interviewer.    

Wry & Dry sees his motive clearly: he wants to see the monarchy fail so that he can get a redundancy payout.  Nice work if you can get it.

[1] As was said by the Duke of Wellington about his victory over Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo.

Go on, impeach me.  And they did. 

Readers will be aware that the House of Representatives of the Congress of the Yoo-Ess-Ay gave him Stage One of their equivalent to the DCM, i.e. impeaching him.

Cartoon trump a bit impeached

Well, Go-On-Impeach-Me-Trump now has a problem.  His resume.  As a graduate of a famous business school, Wharton [2], he knows the importance of a flawless resume in seeking employment. 

Readers can imagine the entry:

Donald John Trump - Career Highlights


Dec-04-2019 - Successfully advised the Queen of England how to manage her second son's television technique

Dec-05-2019 - Amazingly handled the NATO Summit 

Dec-12-2019 - Brilliantly negotiated trade deal with China.

Dec-19-2019 - Erroneously, illegally and unconstitutionally impeached by Democrat-controlled House of Reps.

Dec-19-2019 - Broke new record for fund raising at a Don't Impeach Trump rally in Michigan 


Cartoon bearing false witness

Readers should rightfully be concerned about his employment opportunities after leaving public office.  To be charged (although not found guilty) of high crimes and misdemeanours (well sort of) would certainly make it difficult  for him to ever serve in public office again.  But Wry & Dry might suggest a career as a... real estate salesman person.   

[2]  Wharton School of University of Pennsylvania.  

Thank you very much

China's ambassador to Australia, Chenge Jingye, said that Australia should be thankful for China helping to secure the government's budget surplus (with iron ore exports).  And that hundreds of thousands of Australian jobs depended on trade with China.

Quite right, too.

Equally, China should be happy that it can buy the finest grades of iron ore as cheaply as it can from Australia, without which the costs of infrastructure in China would be so much more expensive.  China's reliance on Australia is such that 74% of China's iron imports come from Australia.

But Wry is not sure that China is thankful for the increasing focus on the incarceration by the Chinese government of over one million Muslim Uighurs in the west of the country.  Mr Chenge said it is "...nothing to do with human rights...  It's about fighting terrorism and taking preventative actions."

Cartoon camps we do not have

Students of history would have heard previous versions of this.  This is an outcome of what must have been a modern, orderly and Chinese version of Kristallnacht [2].

[2]  A pogrom against Jews in Germany in 1938.  Historians view Kristallnacht as a prelude to the subsequent genocide.

How to stop protesters 101

The Indian government now leads the world in controlling demonstrators.  Not with batons, police dogs or water cannon.

It simply shut down the internet and mobile phone network ahead of demonstrations.  Wry & Dry now dips his lid to this acme of technological use. 

Readers will be aware of the massive unrest in India that has been caused by a new citizenship law that favours non-Muslims.  The government has responded by technologically blacking out electronic communication in Delhi and other major cities.  Thereby limiting the potential of demonstrators to communicate plans to demonstrate.

Indian Millennials, blithely unaware of the change in laws or indeed of the massive protests, find themselves caught up in the issue.  Suddenly without being able to use mobile phones, they are aimlessly walking around the suburbs wondering if the world has ended. 

Unclear on the concept

Against Wry & Dry's guidance, in 2014 the fine folk of Scotland voted by 10 percentage points to remain a part of the United Kingdom.  And that was notwithstanding the franchise being extended to 16 year-olds (post-Millennialism?). 

Well, the porridge is being stirred again.  In last week's UK election, the Scottish National Party won 48 of Scotland's 59 seats.  The SNP's leader, Nicola Sturgeon [3] then wrote to Borisconi asking him for a new independence referendum.  While he "may have a mandate to take England out of the European Union, he emphatically does not have a mandate to take Scotland out of the EU," she declared.

Cartoon scots

Err, wrong.  Yes, he does, m'dear.  That's the way the law works.

Wry & Dry senses that Ms Sturgeon is simply interested in going down in history as the Scottish equivalent to Gandhi.  And then some, to become Scotland's Prime Minister.  Or would it be President? 

But make no mistake.  Wry & Dry still supports Scottish independence.  The cost to England and Wales of keeping Scotland in the Union is now massive.  And as believers in parsimony and good housekeeping, the Scots would appreciate that.  

[3]  Such a piscatorian name.  And her predecessor was Alex Salmon(d).

Out there, but interesting

The Economist reports of a study across eight countries and six demographics that found who the 'bluffers' [4] are.  Some 40,000 teenage students in eight English speaking countries were surveyed to see who was most likely to spout nonsense.

The researchers inserted a section into the questionnaire which asked students how well they understood a collection of 16 mathematical concepts. Some were familiar, such as “polygon” and “probability”, but three were fake: “proper number”, “subjunctive scaling” and “declarative fraction”.

Wry & Dry is not surprised that Canadian and Americans were the most likely to profess knowledge of non-existent topics.  Humility doesn't become northern Americans.

The research also showed that men were bigger bluffers than women.  No surprises there.

 Bluff chart 2 

[4] The Economist more accurately described bluffers as bull*******.


W&D and resident cartoonist Patrick Cook are taking a break.  Back Friday 31st January 2020. 

Snippets from all over 

1.  French strikes continue

French workers are taking to the streets for the 13th day of a transport strike over President Macron's efforts to reform the pension system.  

Wry & Dry comments:  The reforms are aimed at simplifying the labyrinthal and amazingly generous French pension system.  Earlier reform attempts failed as governments wilted in the face of the determined workers.  Macron has the testicular fortitude, but does his government? 

2.  Boeing halts production of 737 Max

Boeing plans to temporarily suspend production of the 737 Max in January, as the company grapples with a lengthy regulatory review that has delayed the grounded jet’s return to the skies

Wry & Dry comments:  The company had continued production of the aircraft, notwithstanding it being grounded, as it receives progress payments from buyers.  But the working capital shortfall has become too great.  The hidden issue is the complex global supply chain for companies such as Boeing.  Hundreds of suppliers that make critical parts for the plane are affected.    

3.  China's extortion

China's ambassador to Germany has threatened Berlin with retaliation if it excludes Huawei as a supplier of 5G wireless equipment, citing the millions of vehicles German car-makers sell in China.

Wry & Dry comments:  It's about time someone stood up to this bullying.

4.  Mid-year Economic Forecasts

Josh Frydenberg, the federal treasurer, announced a subdued economic outlook, but using conservative assumptions. 

Wry & Dry comments: Better to be (a) conservative and surprise on the upside than (b) optimistic, increase expenses but then find the revenue didn't come.  [5]

[5] "The four years of budget surpluses I announce tonight..."  Sigh.  And that shall be Wayne Swan's epitaph.  His debt won't be repaid until 2030, at least.

5.  US retail sales miss the mark in November

Overall US retail sales rose 0.2 per cent in November from the previous month, the Commerce Department said on Friday. The figures widely missed economists’ expectations for a 0.5 per cent increase.

Wry & Dry comments:  The retail figures are in contrast to more upbeat labour market and manufacturing data, and could weigh on growth in the final quarter of the year.  

And, to soothe your troubled mind ...


Last words ...

“Pontius Pilate afforded more rights to Jesus than Democrats afforded this president and this process.”

 -  Barry Loudermilk, Republican congressman, speaking of the impeachment.

Thereby implicitly comparing Trump to Christ.  Trump would be pleased.   

A lightly salted absurdity ...

Deepak, Wry & Dry's Uber driver ... 

... didn't return Wry & Dry's text messages.  Wry & Dry is worried...


Whatever child of Abraham you are, may Christ's eternal message of peace and joy be with you and your family this Christmas season.



First Samuel client events calendar


First Samuel Chief Investment Officer Events

"Managing for a Low-Interest Rate Future"

February 2020
Invitations have been sent

11th Feb - ARIA, Sydney

12th Feb – Elyros, Camberwell

13th Feb – VITA, Kew

25th Feb – Chin Chin, Melbourne CBD

27th Feb – The Botanical, South Yarra
(Lunch & Dinner)

5th March – Stillwater, Dromana