Wry & Dry

Donald! Come back! Show me the pork. RDS vaccine needed.

Donald! Come back! All is forgiven

With I-Really-Won-The-Election-Trump gone, Readers would have wondered whether the world would again see such focus on the trivial behaviour of narcissists. And on what would the media focus?

So, in a week when:

a.  Emperor Xi proclaims that "China's military must be prepared to respond" and to "focus on combat readiness";

b.  The military junta in Burma (Myanmar) kill those peacefully protesting against the coup;

c.  News of further western hostages being held and abused in Iran emerges; and

d.  Thousands of Australian steelworkers' jobs are at risk because of the dodgy borrowing and management practices of the company's owner...

...Readers were not disappointed.  

The global venting of bile by a woman seeking celebrity and financial gain captivated the world's media. And Emperor Xi, Myanmar, Iran and steelworkers were relegated to even numbered pages, deep in the bowels of print media.

Cartoon Barbie

The bile-exposition ended with Princess Harry saying “time heals all things, hopefully”.  Someone possibly said the same to the Earl of Uxbridge at the Battle of Waterloo, even as one of his legs was disappearing over the brow of the hill attached to a cannon ball. [1]

Donald Trump! Come back! All is forgiven! We miss your tweets. We miss you.

[1] The Earl was close to Wellington when his leg was hit, and exclaimed, "Sir, I've lost my leg!" — to which Wellington replied, "By God, sir, so you have!" The Earl didn't wait for time to heal things, he just got on with life.  He was a blend of a well-decorated war hero, politician and aristocrat, who effortlessly moved from politics to battlefield to politics as easily as he moved from wife to mistress to wife, etc.  He had eight children by wife number one and then scandalously eloped with the wife of the Duke of Wellington's brother.  He then had ten children by her, after they were married.   All on one leg. 

cartoon waterloo

Show me the pork

Sleepy Joe, the noo President of the Yoo-Ess-Ay, with the consent of Congress, has opened the wallet of they-the-US-taxpayer. It's called the American Rescue Plan. To the tune of US$1,900,000,000,000.  

This is supposed to be all about Covid relief. Wry & Dry has ploughed through the 6,000 page legislation. This is comic relief. How about this for pork? Covid relief for the Yoo-Ess-Ay includes:

  • $140m for a subway in California;
  • $130m to Nepal;
  • $453m to Ukraine;
  • $3.3 billion to Israel;
  • $10m for gender programmes in Pakistan;
  • $700m to Sudan;
  • $1.3 billion to Egypt;
  • $135m to Myanmar;
  • $2 billion for air force 'procurement';
  • $208m to upgrade the Census Bureau's computer systems;
  • making it illegal to give race horses painkillers before training or racing;
  • gives funds to address gender equality in statutes; and
  • $193m for HIV aid workers overseas to buy new cars.

Wry & Dry can report that US$28.6 billion has been included for 'targeted relief' for restaurants.

Cartoon biden cheeseburgers

Good grief!

RDS vaccine needed

It is the solemn duty to report another outbreak of RDS [2].  Crack job-trotting clothes-horse and former Foreign Minister Julie Bishop just couldn't help herself. Leveraging the ado about bad behaviour in Parliament House, she needed to insert herself into the conversation, with claims that a group of Liberal MPs tried to thwart her career.

Err, hello! This is politics. Politics is a nasty business. She wouldn't have lasted a nano-second in the Labor Party.

Q: And the point of this insertion was? A: to acquiesce to the ravages of RDS. In an interview on ABC television with Leigh Sales, that was as well choreographed as Princess Princess in conversation Opera Windfree, it was clear she had no control over her outburst.  

The outburst was especially nasty as it drew attention to her being Chairman of Greensill Asia Pacific. Greensill is the massive finance company that has just gone belly-up with considerable flow-on to other companies.

cartoon julie bishop

This is a classic case of RDS. The Health Minister must act!  

Err, but he cannot. He is on sick leave.

Cartoon cabinet away

[2]  Relevance Deprivation Syndrome. 


Brampton Manor, a UK state school in the dodgy part of London (the east end) with a strict uniform policy and very high expectations found itself with more offers for its student to go to either Oxford or Cambridge than Eton.

The news brought luncheon diners in the clubs of St James to choke on their smoked haddock. "The end of the world as we know it," was the spluttered cry unheard since a woman became Prime Minister in 1979.

Unclear on the concept

Wry & Dry was cut off financially from his family when he finished university and had to get a real job. That was aged about 23. No more monthly allowance, no more free private health insurance, no more subsidised housing.

Really, a 36-year-old who inherited £10m from his mother has declared, with all honesty and on global television, that he had been "literally cut off financially" by his family. This young man is clearly unclear on the concept of self-reliance.

cartoon live like a prince

Nice work, if you can get it

Wry & Dry almost missed the news that a high school chemistry teacher in Seattle has fallen in love with and married the mother of one his pupils. The mother was a divorcee, who was smart enough to clean up about A$75 billion in the divorce settlement. 

MacKenzie Scott's former husband is Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon.  

Nice work, if you can get it.

Another one's gone...

News that Victoria's oldest, most-marginal and dirtiest coal fired power station (the 48-year-old Yallourn) is to close in 2028 is a feel-good moment for many.

But now the hard task begins. How to keep the lights on at the MCG?  For renewables to completely replace coal they need to sell not only electricity but also certainty. And it's not wise to wait until 2028 to consider certainty. Existing and planned battery capacity cannot provide the certainty for more than a few hours.

The Victorian government doesn't like gas, even as a transitional energy source. Which Wry & Dry, guesses, leaves hydro from either the Snowy or Tasmania. Hmmm. That's a lot of work to do in the next few years. 

Imagine the lights going out at the MCG at the 10-minute mark in the final quarter of a night grand final with the scores level in the Melbourne v. Collingwood game.

Just askin'.

Snippets from all over 

1.  When you wish upon a star... 

Disney Plus, the US video streaming service, has passed the 100 million subscriber mark just 16 months after its launch, becoming the most successful emerging streamer trying to chip away at Netflix's dominance.

Wry & Dry comments:  It took Netflix 10 years to get to 100 million subscribers. It now has 203 million.       

2.  Clayton's Brexit

The British government has delayed plans to introduce full border checks with the EU for another six months.  

Wry & Dry comments: Business said that customs systems and port infrastructure were still not ready. The government said the decision will allow import businesses to re-establish their trading arrangements after a difficult period due to coronavirus.

3.  UK better after Brexit

Britain is a more attractive investment proposition for multinational companies than it was before Brexit, a survey of 5,000 global business leaders by PwC has found.

Wry & Dry comments: USA was #1, China #2, Germany #3, UK #4 (was #5), India #5.  

4.  Bitcoin's climate cost 

"Bitcoin uses more electricity per transaction than any other method known to mankind, and so it's not a great climate thing," said Bill Gates speaking of the massive power consumption used to create Bitcoin and then to transact it.

Wry & Dry comments: More precisely, one Bitcoin transaction is the equivalent to the carbon footprint of 735,121 Visa transactions or 55,280 hours of watching YouTube, according to Digiconomist.  

5.  OECD upgrades UK growth

The OECD upgraded UK's expected GDP growth in 2021 to 5.1% from 4.2%. 

Wry & Dry comments: Perhaps a Royal-Family-Fight-led recovery.

And, to soothe your troubled mind ...

Last words ...

“I hope everyone remembers when they’re getting the COVID-19 (often referred to as the China Virus) Vaccine, that if I wasn’t President, you wouldn’t be getting that beautiful ‘shot’ for 5 years, at best, and probably wouldn’t be getting it at all. I hope everyone remembers!” 

 - Donald Trump, former President of the Yoo-Ess-Ay. 

Still suffering from RDS.

A lightly salted absurdity ...

Step 1. Test drive a new BMW.

Step 2. Use the car to rob a bank.

Step 3. Return the car to the dealership.

Step 4. Use the cash from the robbery to buy the car.

What could possibly go wrong? Err, Wolfforth, Texas has a population of just over 5,000. The whole town knew about the bank robbery before Eric Warren got back to the dealership.

He was sentenced to 20 years.  Ouch.

 - CNSN Dalls-Ft. Worth


PS A reminder that the opinions in Wry & Dry do not represent those of First Samuel, its employees or directors.