Wry & Dry

Miscellany

Last words 

"We buy the corflutes [the material on which election posters are printed] for $5, and we sell them to ourselves for $11."

-  James Ashby, Senator Pauline Hanson's Chief of Staff, speaking at One Nation's Queensland's State Executive last year, about how to profit from the election [we the tax payer effectively reimburse the party for the $11 and One Nation only pays $5].

The scam didn't proceed.  And W&D notes that One Nation candidates are required to purchase election posters from James Ashby's printing business.

First Samuel client events and reports calendar

Date 
Event
Description
Venue

Cancelled

Education Series

Annual Forum

We have cancelled our 'food for the brain' event for this year.  And will focus on extra CIO Dinners for clients

 

August, October,

November

Investment updates

FY-18 CIO Conversation Dinners

We will again be holding our annual client dinners with our Chief Investment Officer.  

One each in Brisbane, Sydney, Perth and 10 in Melbourne.  Details soon. 

 To be advised.

Fri-7-Jul

Reporting

Flash FY-17 Investment Performance Report

The first of our annual reports.  Has preliminary pre- and post-tax performance.

Online

Fri-11-Aug

Reporting

Annual Investment Review

A bespoke review of clients investment portfolio(s) for FY-17.

Hard copy & online

Fri-11-Aug

Reporting

First Samuel 18th Annual Report

A general review of all aspects of First Samuel in FY-17

Hard copy & online

Fri-29-Sep

Reporting

Accountant's Pack & Tax Pack

The timing depends on First Samuel receiving all of the tax data from security issuers in a timely manner. 

Hard copy & online

Some lightly salted absurdities from all over...

At the extreme left-hand end of the bell-curve...

Guess the outcome

Sean Clemens allegedly confessed his guilt about killing an 84-year-old woman to a co-worker.  He did so after telling the man that something was bothering him that he needed to tell someone about.  But only if the co-worker would 'pinkie-swear' not to tell anyone else.

Did his co-worker:

a.  meet his promise, and remain silent;

b.  confess the situation to his parish priest, who then remained silent;

c.  told his wife, who divorced him, but still remained silent

d.  break the 'pinkie-swear' code.

Close.  But no cigar.  The correct answer is d.  Sean is now awaiting trial in Liberty, Ohio, charged with murder. 

(Sourced from WKBN-TV Youngstown)

This might be an entrant in the Annual Darwin Awards (the award given to the person whose stupid actions enhance the human gene pool by removing themselves from it). 

Do not try this at home

Several treatments are available to combat the heart arrhythmia "atrial fibrillation," but all require medical supervision, which John Griffin, 69, said he tried to acquire at the emergency room at New Zealand's Waikato Hospital in April, only to be met with delay and frustration.

Griffin went home that day, took notice of his neighbor's 8,000-volt electric security fence, and, with boots off, in a fit of do-it-yourself desperation, nudged it with his arm. He got quite a jolt, he said, but he walked away, and his heart returned to natural rhythm. 

(New Zealand Herald)

Readers will know that it's not the voltage the kills you, it's the current (well mostly). You need enough voltage to overcome the body's resistance, and then it's the current to actually kill you.  But W&D recommends not trying this procedure at home.

Not Ready For Prime Time

Surveillance video of a 7-Eleven armed robbery showed the robber peering upward, whereupon he caught sight of the camera, and, shocked, reached for his apparently-forgotten ski mask on top of his head, where, better late than never, he pulled it into place.

But dauntless he continued with the robbery.  And then fled.  The cops arrived soon afterwards, viewed the video, recognised the perp, who was 'known to the police'.  

(Fox News)

 

Have a wry and dry weekend

Anthony