From the mouth of...
"We came in this morning, looked around and thought, something is different this morning".
- US Senator Lisa Murkowski, commenting on the fact that a massive Washington snowstorm had somehow managed to prevent all male Senators from attending.
The men were probably still trying to determinedly jump start their cars, whilst the women took the subway.
Some lightly salted absurdities from all over...
A 40-year-old man driving a stolen truck was involved in a brief high-speed police chase in Alameda County, California.
The man pulled to the side of Highway 238 to flee on foot. But he fell to his death off a cliff; landing on the grounds of the San Lorenzo Pioneer Cemetery.
(KNTV - San Francisco)
Things to worry about
'Drive-by yoghurt attack on crochet teacher's haberdashery leaves her shaken.'
(Headline in Central Somerset Gazette - UK)
Musta been a slow news day in Zummerzet
Only in America 1
In 2004, abusive boyfriend Robert Braxton Jr. was charged with badly beating up girlfriend Tondalo Hall, 20, and her three children, with injuries ranging from bruises to fractured legs, ribs, and a toe.
Braxton got a deal from Oklahoma City prosecutors, pleaded guilty, served two years in prison, and was released in 2006.
However, his girlfriend Tondalo’s plea 'bargain' resulted in a 30-year sentence for her, for having failed to protect her kids from boyfriend Braxton. And she’s still in prison. And in September 2015, the Pardon and Parole Board refused, to commute her sentence to a time-served 10 years.
Only in America 2 
A Texas public school suspended an eighth grader for two days after he escorted an asthmatic classmate to the nurse’s office. 15-year-old Anthony Ruelas of Gateway Middle School, Texas, noticed his classmate “gagging and wheezing” for several minutes during class last week. The teacher handled the situation by sending an email to the school nurse and instructing the rest of the class to await further instructions.
The teacher's write-up of the incident:
“During 5th period another student complained that she couldn't breathe and was having an asthma attack. As I waited for a response from the nurse the student fell out of her chair to the floor. Anthony proceeded to go over and pick her up, saying ‘f—k that we ain’t got time to wait for no email from the nurse.’ He walks out of class and carries the other student to the nurse.”
Have a wry and dry weekend
 But perhaps, one day, also in Melbourne