Wry & Dry


From the mouth of...

"Yesterday, I trimmed my neighbour's hedge.  She gave me two pots of marmalade.  Should we ask for receipts?”

-       Letter to the UK Daily Telegraph, in response to a UK politician suggesting that everyone should get receipts for all work done, so as to crack down on tax avoidance.

Of course receipts/ tax invoices should be issued.  The value of the marmalade and the labour exerted in trimming the hedge should be noted.  Hang on.  Were the hedging shears approved by the local council as 'work-safe'? And a certificate obtained?  And was the marmalade made in accordance with EU health regulations? Oh, dear, this woman has opened a can of worms.

Some lightly salted absurdities from all over...

At the extreme left-hand of the bell curve

On the evening of November 10, local residents in Barefoot Bay, Florida called the police to report a man dressed in black acting suspiciously behind their homes.  Police launched a search with a helicopter and a K9 unit and, according to deputies, 22-year-old Matthew Riggins called his girlfriend on the phone to tell her he was being chased by authorities.

Riggins then disappeared.  And 10 days later his remains were found.  Police believe Riggins jumped over a fence to hide in a lake to escape the K9 unit - at which point he encountered something a little more ferocious than an Alsatian.  The lake was infested with alligators.   

(UK Telegraph 9-Dec-15)

Things to worry about

At George Washington University's men's basketball game, accountancy department professor Robert Kasmir was honored at halftime for being one of the elite financial donors to the university, but failed to make it to the end of the game.

He was ejected from the Smith Center arena in the second half for harassing a referee.

(GW Hatchet)

Airport follies I

Kuala Lumpur International Airport has taken out three newspaper ads to find the owners of three abandoned Boeing 747s.  

The jumbo jets have been idle in a corner of the airport for over a year and the airport authorities want them removed otherwise they will be sold.

(Free Malaysia Today)

Run that past W&D again: it took them a year to discover that three jumbo jets had been abandoned at their airport?

Airport follies II

After certain takeoffs and landings were delayed on November 7th at Paris’s Orly airport (several days before the terrorist attacks), a back trace on the problem forced the airport to disclose that its crucial “DECOR” computer system still runs on Microsoft Windows 3.1 software (introduced in 1992).

DECOR’s function is to estimate the spacing between aircraft on fog-bound, visually-impossible runways, and apparently it must shut down whenever the airport scrambles to find an available Windows 3.1-qualified technician.


Have a wry and dry weekend



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