Wry & Dry

Syria - Tsar Vlad speaks exclusively to W&D

It seems clear to W&D that Tsar Vladimir and his hard men in the Kremlin have, once again, outsmarted US President Obama and his timid advisers: by commencing active military operations unambiguously in support of President Assad's Syrian regime but also with a view to eliminating ISIS, Putin has really made it clear that he has a solution for the ISIS problem.  

And W&D has just had an exclusive, albeit short, interview with Tsar Vlad (TV).  Here is what he had to say:

W&D:  How do you want to world to react to your action in Syria?

TV:     It's my invitation to the world! Join my just cause against ISIS.  After all, everyone agrees ISIS has to be eliminated.

W&D:  What is the objective of your actions?

TV:     The elimination of ISIS, obviously.  And fewer refugees to upset my good friend Angela and her European allies.

W&D:  Is there a downside?  

TV:     There is none, of course.  And remember the saying of my mentor-from-the-grave, Joseph Stalin, "one death is a tragedy.  A million deaths is a statistic".

W&D:  And news is now coming through of Russian missiles fired from the Caspian Sea area and targeted for Syrian rebels actually landed well short of target.  And landed in Iran.  Is this embarrassing, both for Russian military technology and your relationship with Iran?

TV:     It's a lie!  And if it's true, the missiles were made by Volkswagen, and still under warranty. 

W&D:  And is there a winner in all of this?

TV:     Well, shucks, me.  I keep my Syrian naval base (at Tartus) and military airbase (Latakia); I reassert Russia's influence in the Middle East and restore Russia to super-power status.  Gotta like that.  

W&D:  Does there have to be a loser?  

TV:     Of course!  Mr Obama.  Again.  Which really upsets me.  He is such a nice man.  His handshake is a bit weak, though.

W&D:  Is there a cost to your actions?

TV:     Well, yes, I guess Mr Assad's murderous regime stays, but I will keep him under control.  And, of course, Iran's sponsorship of Hezbollah in Lebanon can continue more easily: I'd call it a regional partnership.  I like regional partnerships.  Have you seen what we are doing in eastern Ukraine?

W&D:  It seems as though we have run out of time, again, Mr President, err, Your Excellency.  Um, Your majesty.  Thank you.

TV:     Just call me Wayne [2].  Did you see my recent ice-hockey game?

Cut to video of Tsar Vlad celebrating his 63rd birthday by teaming with NHL legends to play ice hockey against Russian tycoons and officials.  Tsar Vlad scored seven goals and his team won 15-10 (Associated Press). 

End of interview.

-       Anthony Starkins

[1]   Source:  Factset.com.au

[2]   Clearly referring to legendary Canadian ice hockey player, Wayne Gretzky.