Wuhan Dan's head on a plate, as satisfying as it would be, would rob the state of any semblance of leadership. The reality is that state politics is as barren of talent as reality television.

Chairman Dan's level-crossing-removal-mania became so popular that he ordered that level crossings be built so that they could be removed.

"My name is Maximus Votimus Andrews, commander of the Branch-Stackers of the South, General of the Felix Branches and loyal servant to the true emperor, Xi Jinping. Premier of a state without sun, premier for life. And I will have my vengeance, in this election or the next."

Police enforced social distancing laws at an out-of-hand protest on the Rye pier. Some 40 fisherpeople were a threat not only because of CV-19 transmission but more alarmingly they were carrying weapons that were disguised as fishing rods.

The winner of Wry & Dry's Luckiest Person of the Week goes to Emperor Xi Jinping. Runner up was Joe's Smashed Window Replacement Inc, of Mobile Office, Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, USA, just ahead of Fair Ballots R Us, The Kremlin, 103132 Moscow Russia.

It's not quite sending in a gunboat to lob shells onto Emperor Xi's front lawn. But his mind will be unchanged and the number of Cantonese restaurants in Britain will massively increase.