Tag: irreverent take on the news

Wry & Dry #21 FY-24. Heaven: a busy week. Dubai: COP that. US: Haley’s comet.

It’s been a busy week at the Members’ Entrance to the pearly gates to heaven.

On Tuesday Charlie Munger arrived in a limmo longer than a bus. Charlie was Warren Buffett’s conservative investment alter ego. He arrived and immediately began arguing with St Peter about heaven’s recent investments (remembering that time doesn’t matter in heaven): “That St Peter’s Basilica property development in Rome was a waste of money.”

Wry & Dry #20 FY-24: Optus: J’Accuse …! Inflation. Netherlands.

It took an hour for Marie Antionette to be taken from her cell to the Place de la Révolution. On the way to the guillotine, she was jeered and abused by the Parisienne Mob. The Mob wanted a head on a platter. And it got it.

More recently, it took three days for Optus CEO Kelly Bayer Rosmarin to go from appearing before a Senate Committee to self-decapitation.

Wry & Dry #19 FY-24: Albo: What. Me worry? UK: sinking ship. Israel: maths.

Political opinion polls published on Monday screamed gloom for Albo. His preferred PM rating had fallen to 40% from 47%.

In response, Albo gave the Alfred E Neuman comment. Well, he actually didn’t say it. He didn’t need to: the same poll showed the Coalition’s primary support falling to 30%. Albo will be soundly sleeping; albeit in the pointy end of a Qantas A380.

Wry & Dry #18 FY-24: China: Echo Wall. Epidemics: RDS. Iran.

The news last week that former PM Keating had lost it completely with a recurrence of RDS was only a modest surprise. The bad news this week is that RDS is spreading.

Readers will recall that former PM Scott Morrison hailed his 2019 election victory as a miracle, for which he himself was entirely responsible. Clearly hoping to repeat the miracle in the epicentre of miracles, Morrison flew into Israel over the weekend.

Wry & Dry #17 FY-24: China. Keating. Anti-Semitism.

Some weeks ago, Wry & Dry suggested that the incoming head of the Productivity Commission Ms. Michelle Wood might get the DCM before starting her job. Her then sin was proposing an inheritance tax.

Wry & Dry mused then that perhaps she suffered from RDS. Proposing an inheritance tax certainly got the headlines.

But then on Wednesday, she again put her head above the parapet.

Wry & Dry #16 FY-24: Trumpster: diary. Anti-Semitism mask. Albo’s straining belt buckle.

Saturday: Florida. Played golf with some champion golfers. An Irish fella called McIlroy, a chick from South Korea, Jin Young Ko and a bloke named Tiger something. I WON!

Sunday: New Hampshire. Spoke at a rally. Told them “I don’t mind being Nelson Mandela.” I am willing to GO TO JAIL to defend democracy. Mandela was a patriot, like me. India should be proud of him.

Monday…

WRY & DRY #15 FY-24: Voice over. Sleepy Joe’s great speech. Never mess with a nun.

The Voice debacle gave rise to claims and counter claims that would make a lawyer richer than Croesus. The most risible was from journalists, newspaper-letter-writers and deniers who blamed the loss on Opposition Leader Peter Dutton.

Really? Dutton would be pleased to claim he single-handedly defeated a campaign backed by the full forces of the government, the ACTU, an overwhelming casket of cash, the major churches, large companies, universities, the major sporting codes, major industry superannuation funds and… Alan Joyce. SuperDutton? Yeah. Nuh.

Wry & Dry #13 FY-24: Disaster: Chairman Dan’s DCM. Trumpster the fraudster. PwC.

In a DCM-move that surprised many, Chairman Dan gave himself the DCM on Tuesday. This is a disaster of great magnitude.

Cartoonists all over Australia have lost a subject that yielded the Everest of political satire and ridicule. They feasted on the opportunity provided by arguably the most hated politician since Julius Caesar, whose DCM, unlike Chairman Dan’s, was not self-inflicted and caused by 27 knife wounds from six grumpy conspirators.

Emboldened by his own outstanding oratory and aided by an Opposition as weak as the Wallabies and as divided as post-war Germany, a fawning media and an upper house cross bench that were easily bought, he bestrode the political world like a colossus.

WRY & DRY #11 FY-24: Inheritance tax? Q just won’t go away. Deja vu all over again.

In a media debut up there with Moses publishing the Ten Commandments, the incoming Productivity Commissioner on Monday called for the re-introduction of inheritance taxes. Ms. Danielle Wood got the gig only last week.

Ms. Wood could make history. Her role doesn’t commence until November, and she could get the DCM two months before starting her job. In fact, to give herself even more of the attention she clearly craves, she should give herself the DCM.

Wry & Dry #8 FY-24: 40 years in the desert. Photo of the Year. No Russian mushrooms.

Moses had 40 years of wandering around the Sinai desert. His budget had red ink as far as the Red Sea, as demands upon his goatskin purse became larger. An ageing population, shrinking revenue base from date and palm sales, the need for increased defence spending to counter Egypt, that nearby wannabe world power, and his ballooning NDIS costs all caused grief.

But, with the help of manna from heaven, after those 40 years he somehow led the Hebrews to the land of milk and honey.

Wry & Dry #7 FY-24. “No child will live in poverty.” Trumpster the mobster. VinFast what?

When the Indians are circling your wagon, the lessons of Politics 101 are clear. Divert attention away from the Indians until the cavalry arrives. What better diversion than a big, ‘nation building’ policy.

Former PM Bob Hawke was a master at this. Readers will remember either of “no Australian child will live in poverty” and/or “we will plant one billion trees.”

Wry & Dry #5 FY-24. Trumpster smashes own record. Phoenix Team. US credit downgrade.

What proud citizen of the USA would not want a president who admitted to a business relationship with a porn start? Really, it’s about free speech. And free trade.

Or one whose high intellect and sense of history meant that building a personal library of really historic documents was really understandable.

And now, conspiracy. Really? What’s the fuss? Who in politics hasn’t conspired before, during or after office?

Wry & Dry #1, FY-24: Some of it was cricket. Foster country. Headhunters.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a batsman who is unhappy with the method of his dismissal will cry that it wasn’t “in the spirit of the game.”

And so it came to pass that in a recent cricket Test match, English batsman Bairstow was silly enough to leave his crease when the ball was still in play. He was correctly dismissed (“stumped”).

An outburst of outrage not seen at Lord’s since the Great Pimm’s Shortfall Crisis of 1926 then arose.

Wry & Dry #41: Russian rebellion. Irony. Upsetting the treasurer 101.

Today, there isn’t a person in the world who is not familiar with Russia’s highway M4. And that it starts on Rostov-on-Don (more-or-less) and finishes in Moscow, some 1,100 kilometres away to the north.

It was along this stretch of mostly wide and smooth asphalt that Yevgeny Prigozhin’s private army (Wagner Group) commenced its threat to Tsar Vlad’s restful night’s sleep. It left the difficult terrain and unfriendly people of Ukraine for the ease of a paved road and reasonable cafes.

Wry & Dry # 40: He quit. Banks’ win-win. Seek.kp.

A Senate report accused PwC of “obfuscation, intimidation and unwillingness to give full and frank explanations.”

Of course, Senators never obfuscate, never intimidate and are never unwilling to give full and frank explanations. Of course.

Wry & Dry #36: Ceiling restored. “I’d like to thank…”. Five more years.

Make no mistake, some individuals at PwC should end up either in the slammer or fiscally eviscerated. For either or both the original crime and then the cover up. Those bean-counters clearly didn’t spend their formative years studying history. How could they not have known that former US president Richard Nixon was shredded for the Watergate cover-up, not the crime?

Wry & Dry #34: Sleepy Joe’s real reason for not coming. How to paint a debt ceiling. Cane toads?

Sleepy Joe has decided to cancel his trip to have gumnut tea and a lamington with Albo. His acolytes speak of the need to negotiate the raising of America’s ‘debt ceiling’. Nuh.

The real reason is the worry that Sleepy Joe might fall victim of the food on the Jetstar flight to Sydney.  And return to the US in a more horizontal position than is usually found on Jetstar. Then Armageddon: Kamala Harris would get the gig in the White House, at which she has already been measuring up curtains. 

WRY & DRY #29: Dreadnoughts, Never x 5, Stadium envy.

The very earnest Leader of the Opposition Peter Dutton still doesn’t get it. The Coalition will be on the wrong side of the House for at least the next election and probably the one after that. So, surely, he should not act like a Leader of the Opposition, but rather put down markers as the alternative Prime Minister.

WRY & DRY #28: Sorcerer. Besties. Millions.

Three and a half weeks ago, Apprentice Jim Chalmers presented to the world his pleasant sounding but really vague ‘objectives of superannuation’ paper. But as each new subsequent morning dawned, he found that he had become the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. It started as a theoretical ‘shoot-the-breeze’ exercise that would lead to a rational way to increase taxes on some superannuation investors. It soon turned into a media circus, the RPM of which was daily increasing.

WRY & DRY #27: Tsar Vlad’s Butcher’s Bill. Sleepy Joe’s train ride. Grim Jim’s super Trojan horse.

Twelve months ago today, Tsar Vlad told his lads to park their tanks on a neighbour’s lawn.

The problem was that the neighbour got grumpy; showed spirit; had some powerful friends; and Tsar Vlad’s well-oiled military machine was found to be, well, an embarrassment.

A 56-kilometre single file of Russian tanks and trucks stuck in a traffic jam on the road to Kyiv would have comical if not for its deadly purpose.

Wry & Dry #23. Bumper Christmas Issue.

Impersonator of the Year: He lacked the beard, his biceps were flabbier, his girth was greater and his footwear sturdier. But otherwise, Morrison saw himself as a modern Moses. To lead Australia into the new world.

Wry & Dry #21 Seeking privacy. Surrender. Price caps.

The current “something must be done” panic by Albo over energy prices shows that Albo is ill-prepared to manage ‘events’ over which he has little control.

His thought-bubble of energy price caps is now floating to the clouds, untroubled by process or clear thinking. Y’see, he has walked into a trap of his own making.

Wry & Dry #20 Rebellious delusion. Marbleous Dan. Liveability.

Readers will know that Victorian premiers can be memorialised by a statue at we-the-taxpayers’ expense after 3,000 days in office. Chairman Dan can hardly wait until 21 February 2023.

Nor can his “I-Stand-with-Dan” acolytes. They and their descendants will be able to stand with Dan’s statue into eternity.

Wry & Dry #17. SMSF demonisation. COP-27 is in Asia. Peak crazy avoided.

Over the years, there have been many federal ministers who had no idea about their portfolio. Whether Liberal (Scott Morrison, Prime Minister), Labor (Jim Cairns, Treasurer) or National (Barnaby Joyce, any portfolio), the list is long.

But in these modern times, Readers would expect deeper talent, especially in matters fiscal. Err, no.

Wry & Dry #16. Greta of Arc. Twitter is not Tesla. Mid-term.

The “election steal” cry will re-emerge from the rabbit hole of internet conspiracy theories. The candidates who campaigned on a platform of ‘electoral integrity’ will, if they lose, ape the Trumpster’s mantra. And bleat “we wuz robbed.”

Wry & Dry #14: Bumper issue. Outlasting a lettuce. Budget? Smudge it. Back to the future.

The last two weeks have unarguably been the UK’s biggest unforced humiliation since Suez. After the UK gilt market and sterling collapsed, she dumped her ideological newbie Chancellor of the Exchequer; agreed to overturn polices she backed days earlier; and fired her Home Secretary (is there an Away Secretary?). It was only then that her parliamentary colleagues began to wake up from their afternoon snoozes at their St James’ clubs. And looked at the latest polls.

WRY & DRY #4: If you are under 45 you don’t know…

So the Trumpster returned this week to a hero’s welcome from an audience that sees him as only a little less than a saviour that came down from the cross. Which contrasts to his own view of that he is actually The Saviour.

Wry & Dry #3: Unemployment plummets, ATO happy

The folk at the ATO are depressed most of the time. Imagine that your sole purpose in life is to extract dosh from every worker and many non-workers. Nobody is going to invite you around for dinner. Or to meet the future parents-in-law.

But help is at hand. Thanks to the massive anti-pandemic and Allow-Me-To-Buy-Your-Vote fiscal stimuli, Australia’s unemployment rate has plummeted to a 48 year low of 3.5%.

WRY & DRY #2: Borisgonski

Borisconi was straight out of ancient Greek central casting. He was blessed by the gods with brilliance, breeding, ambition, (in his youth) good looks and easy charm. But the gods also gifted him flaws: arrogance, dishonesty, explosions of childishness and a wandering sexual appetite.
“Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad.”

WRY & DRY #44: The right to bear arms…

Borisconi may see himself as a latter-day Thatcher. His hair probably has as much product in it as hers. But that is where the comparison ends. Thatcher was never one for turning. Borisconi has changed wives/ girlfriends only a little less than he has changed his mind. And like him, formally, simultaneously maintaining more than one wife/ girlfriend, so too he can simultaneously maintain more than one position on any single principle.

Wry & Dry #37: 29 April 2022

With headlines normally reserved for the death of a princess (or the marriage of one), the media feverishly leapt on Wednesday’s news that Australia’s inflation hit 5.1%, the highest since, well, the last time it was this high.

Wry & Dry #36 22nd April 2022

Wry & Dry chose sorting his sock drawer over watching the first election debate between PM Jimmy Morrison and Wannabee PM Albo. And having read the media reports on the wordfest, he senses he made the right decision. And is moved to ask the question, “Is this is as good as it gets?”

Massive bumper Christmas Issue. Wry & Drys of the Year.

Wry & Dry looks back at a year highlighted by the suffocating imposition of Chairman Dan’s view of freedom and PM Jimmy Morrison’s ability to never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity to show sound judgement.