Tag: irreverent take on the news

Wry & Dry #2-26 Mr. Albo goes to Beijing. Interest egg on face. Liberal idiots.

Albo’s plan to boost his lack-lustre frequent flyer miles account after the election was shredded by Trumpster’s fleeing the G-7 in Alberta. Albo also has no desire to meet Trumpster in the White House; why risk meeting Trumpster in front of the world’s cameras, with a couple of 60 Minutes-type gotcha questions ready to be fired?

Better to take a 7-day, all expenses paid (including tips), luxury but twin-share accommodation trip to China. Of course, it will be a week of eating three Chinese meals each day. An Ozempic homecoming for Albo?

Wry & Dry #1-26 Hot date. Ms. Wong goes to Washington. Planet Trumpster update.

The content starved Australian media, and the federal opposition, continue to have conniptions about the when and where of Albo’s Hot Date with Trumpster.

Good grief, Readers should consider what matters for Trumpster and his planet in a galaxy far way: planning for US’ upcoming semiquincentennial (2026), the US budget, Iran, Gaza, tariffs, mass deportations, Taiwan, Ukraine, hourly careful curating of paragraphs on X, and every week-end: week-end golf.

Wry & Dry #40-25 The 12-Day War. 5% income tax. EU – UK = M x M

Trumpster actually flew one of the B-2 bombers that dropped a package on Ali Khamenei’s front lawn. Well, that was one of his dreams this week. The other became reality, that he persuaded Nato countries to spend billions on new military kit, most of which will be purchased from… US companies.

Wry & Dry #39-25 Egos at 20 paces. Singed beard. Goldilocks GDP.

When the two biggest egos in the world start throwing verbal rocks at each other, why would the media worry about Trumpster’s phone chat with Emperor Eleven (on tariffs) and meeting with German Chancellor Friedrich Merz (Ukraine)?  It didn’t.

It all started when Musk labelled Trumpster’s budget as an ‘abomination.’ Trumpster’s glass jaw then shattered into a thousand pieces. And that’s when ego overtook rationality. The exchange of insults blotted out the sun.

Wry & Dry #38-25 WACO. Albo fiddles. RDS returns.

It’s been a bad week for Trumpster.

When a journalist asked about how he responded to the acronym ‘TACO’ becoming part of the American lexicon, he went nutzo. Nutzo to the max.

Taco is Trump Always Chickens Out. It is now used most pejoratively in financial markets for Trumpster’s tariff flip-flops. The memes are a delight. Trumpster’s fury was even better.

Wry & Dry #36-25 Gnats incompetence reveal.  AAA loss leads to ZZZ. Bre-enter.

The flat-earthers in the National Party have locked Albo into the Lodge until 2037. This week’s great schism of the Coalition mirrors the ALP split of 1955. And that sandpit fight kept the ALP out of office for another 17 years, until Whitlam gave the treacherous Billy McMahon the DCM in 1972. But by this morning the Gnats might have changed their minds.

Wry & Dry #35-25 Trumpster blinks. “… ask a woman.” Albo washes his hands.

The election postmortems continue. And Wry & Dry is exhausted, but feels duty bound to add his tuppence worth.
However, inevitably, Trumpster dominates the literature. And has added a new meaning to “token gifts from overseas.” A gift of a $400m 747-800 aircraft to use as Air Force One, until the much-delayed new kit from Boeing is built. No strings attached, of course.

Wry & Dry #34-25 India v Pakistan is just not cricket. Albo’s place in history. Tariff peace in our time.

The election of the new wearer of the fisherman’s shoes, Leo XIV, an American, an Augustinian, a polyglot, has many consequences:

Trumpster has cancelled all tariffs on the Vatican City.

Trumpster will order that Chicago’s name be changed Leoziv.

The study of Roman numerals will now be mandatory in all schools in the US, so as to educate they the American people that XIV is, in fact, a number. And not a surname or brand name. And not to confuse XIV with LIV, or a black rapper’s name.

Trumpster will undertake special training on Roman numerology.

Wry & Dry #32-25 Trumpster’s Tariffs. Message missed. Torture.

Trumpster’s Tariff Tree had beautifully wrapped boxes scattered at its foot. Trumpster looked as if he has been bouncing off the walls with excitement.

He had probably hardly slept the night before. And likely jumped out of bed at 5am and cried, “Melania! Is it time yet? Can we start opening our tariffs?”

Wry & Dry #31-25 Election signs. Budget smudge it. Me, too.

It was the worst kept secret since Trumpster’s barely sentient defence leaders sloppily announced to the world that the US was going to bomb a part of Yemen. And the secret was Albo announcing that we-the-suffering-people of this land girt by sea will have to endure 35 days of electoral hell.

The unbelievably boring and insipid Albo in the red corner; the earnest and humourless Top Gun Pete in the blue corner; the narrow-minded and Trotskyite Adam Bandit in the green corner; and the colourless Teals in the teal corner.

Oh, Death. Where is thy sting?

Wry & Dry #30-25 Ukraine partition. One good omen. Gold, gold, gold.

The ‘Art of The Deal’ dealer badly failed this week. Which is exactly what the world expected from this serial deal-loser.
Tsar Vlad holds all of the cards, bar one.

And he didn’t have to play any of his, he just said “nyet.” And reiterated his own absurd demands.

Wry & Dry #29-25 Make my day. RDS. On the road to Damascus.

Fresh from a photo-opp-a-day-content-made-in-heaven of Cyclone Alfred, Albo had another chance to go the full hyperbole. Trumpster’s tariffs on Australian steel and aluminium landed. The sky is falling!

Having been silent on the possibility for a month, Albo put on his hairy chest of righteous outrage. And equally absurdly, Top Gun Pete said that had he been in Albo’s shoes, Trumpster would have exempted Australia from the tariffs. Really?

Wry & Dry #28-25 Top Gun Pete. Cyclone election. Trumpersterland.

The first circumnavigation of Australia since Matthews Flinders in 1802 was well underway last week. A fleet armada flotilla of two of Emperor Eleven’s armed tugboats and a mobile 7-Eleven ship were last spotted off south-western Australia.

The media wet their collective beds: “the barbarians are at the gate!” was the wailing. Well, 300 kilometres from the gate.

Wry & Dry #27-25 Medispend. Invade during the curfew. Trumpsterland.

In a maths’ contortion that would confuse a five-year old, Uncle Fester Dutton said that his government would save “about $6bn a year” by “letting go of” public servants. Those savings would be enough to fund his $9bn Medicare rescue policy, announced a nanosecond after Albo’s $8.5bn Medicare rescue policy.

Hold the phone! $9bn spent, $6bn saved. This is not the first time Uncle Fester’s brain has been found to be devoid of any cells capable of adding up. Perhaps he should divert some of his Medicare rescue funds toward maths education.

Wry & Dry #26-25 Measuring up the Iron Curtains. Green steel. Ignorance.

Any doubt that Trumpster is stark raving bonkers has been dispelled. His claim that Ukraine started the war has not only given yet another bargaining chip to Tsar Vlad, but it has also destroyed any pretense that a sentient adult is in charge of the White House.

Next, he will claim that it will be Taiwan’s fault if Emperor Eleven invades.

Trumpster, in his haste to deliver on his promise to quickly end the Ukraine war, has lost his marbles to the patience of Tsar Vlad. He is willing to abandon Ukraine for the applause of negotiating a deal.

Wry & Dry #24-25 Trumpster’s fiasco. Albo Airlines. Uncle Fester faffing around.

A trio of monumentally brainless decisions this week led to the US’ greatest international fiasco since George Bush decided to invade Iraq.

Trumpster’s dealmaking impulse led him to bring Tsar Vlad in from the cold. He spoke to him and agreed to open talks immediately to cease the Ukraine-Russian war. Err, without President Zelensky? And without even telling Zelensky. Or anyone in the EU?

Tsar Vlad is now doing cartwheels in the Kremlin.

Wry & Dry #24-25 Donaldonia. When many means few. Super deals.

Retire to Donaldonia – the Riviera of the Middle East.

Alongside Gaz-a-Lago, the Trump Gaza Strip club is the heart of the entertainment district. Trump Golf Med, one of the five rubble-belt courses, is just a short buggy ride from Trump Gaza Tower.

The Trump Drill Baby Drill dental clinic is adjacent to the Real Men Only Medical Centre. The Handmaidens’ Medical Centre for Women is just over palm-lined Trump Boulevard, next to the Orange Suntan and Big Hair Spa.

Wry & Dry #23-25 The Coronation. Peace in Our Time? All the leaves are black…

The coronation of the Trumpster had many of the features of that of Napoleon:

A decent venue (but not quite like Notre-Dame de Paris)

Crowds of adoring fans (but not as noble, so to speak, as those in Notre-Dame)

High ceremony (but it was surprising that the Trumpster didn’t administer the Oath of Allegiance to himself, as Napoleon took the crown from the Pope and crowned himself)

Some beautifully dressed women (but no hats in Notre-Dame).

In the end, Napoleon’s ambition and arrogance cost plenty. His good deeds were a poor match for his bad.

The Trumpster’s legacy remains to be seen. Wry & Dry wonders what will be his Waterloo.

Wry & Dry #12-25 Least-worst option. Best performing. France’s finances.

In foreign affairs there are no good options. Only least-worst options. So said Henry Kissinger, the greatest diplomat since Machiavelli. Also said by Henry Kissinger.

But in viewing the many responses to the escalating mess in the Middle East, Wry & Dry can only see the empty mouthing of most-worst options.

Wry & Dry #11-25 State of the art. Interest rates. No Minister.

If one wishes to simultaneously give the ultimate DCM to some 3,000 warriors, a knife won’t do the job. Unless it’s done one at a time. Even then it’s inefficient. Julius Caesar had at least seven Senators plunge their knives at total of 23 times into him. That’s poor productivity.
Mass poisoning is also possible. It was popular back in the day. But, again, inefficient. A food-taster, in a reluctant but doubtless well-paid profession with good superannuation, had to be dealt with. Claudius’ taster must have had an RDO as his wife piled the toxic mushrooms on his plate.

Wry & Dry #9-25 Stagflation? Glasgow and Chairman Dan. Meanwhile, in Canada…

Rather like a nervous gambler who bet the house and is waiting for the Tattslotto numbers to drop on a Saturday night, Treasurer Grim Jim waited at his open office window for Wendy-the-carrier-pigeon to bring the GDP news from the Bureau of Statistics.

Grim Jim was relieved as he unfurled the paper from Wendy’s leg, and read a barely positive figure of 0.2% for the June quarter. “Still, better than a negative,” he muttered. Now, the task was to claim credit. Which, as a politician, he did.

Wry & Dry #7-25 Indoor Nuremberg rally. Dutton’s one-trick. A worse state?

Sleepy Joe did his best to stupefy an unstupefiable crowd. It was as though he was giving the eulogy at his own funeral. All the achievements, success and stories. After three hours, people looked at their watches and only 30 minutes had passed. It was another 20 minutes before a relieved crowd were able to wave him into retirement. Rather like a family watching the hearse driving off from the funeral service.

Wry & Dry #6-25 Testy Teals. Invade Russia? Really? Gonski cash went goneski.

An inconvenient truth of being a politician is that one’s daily bread depends on others. Sometimes it’s not the wicked whim of the voters; it’s the fickled finger of the Electoral Commission.

Y’see, the AEC not only runs elections, it also decides electorate boundaries. Which is why a sandpit fight has developed within a loosely-allied, single-issue political collective called Teals.

Wry & Dry #3-25 “Kamala, Kamala…” No speak English. “We’ll always have Paris”

Kamala Harris has four things going for her: She’s black, she’s female, and she’s not the Trumpster. And that may be enough, because of Big Mo.

Big Mo is not Merv Hughes, that former Australian fast bowler with a moustache denser than the Amazon rainforest, but ‘Momentum’. This group behavioural theory is now alive in Democrat land. Ms. Harris has… Big Momentum!

Wry & Dry #2-25 Übermensch. “I’m shocked, shocked…” “And now, the end is near…”

Cartoon of shooter from attempted assassination of Trump

If ever the phrase “a week is a long time in politics” was apt it was this week. The indifferent Brits elected a government that received just 35% of the vote, the French effectively elected nobody to govern, and Jill Biden picked up the phone and ordered the removalists.

And, weirdly, surviving an assassination attempt makes a person a hero. Suddenly, the Trumpster is just that. A colourful blend of Horatio at the bridge, the 300 Spartans at Thermopylae, Jean Valjean at the barricade. All because the bullet missed.

Wry & Dry #1-25 International year of elections. Open all hours. New political party.

As Readers pass the halfway point of 2024, they know it was always going to be a momentous year. And not because of the arcane controversy about the attractiveness of the Australian Olympic Team’s opening ceremony uniform.
2024 will be remembered for being an election year across the globe. When democracy is put to the test. And fails. But dishonesty succeeds.
This week, Wry & Dry will have a slight election bias, pondering the US (in New York, he watched peak senility battle peak Pinocchio), UK (he now finds himself, under a brolly, to guard against the landslide), France (M Macron has oeuf all over his visage) and Iran (the voting first round had a turnout of 40% – the lowest since the 1979 revolution).

Wry & Dry #43-24 Julian who? Nuclear power poll. Frexit?

Saipan is an island in the western Pacific from where, in 1945, the Americans sent a B29 bomber to deliver to Japan an atomic bomb. That same island is from where this week the Americans sent a private jet to deliver to Australia a media atomic bomb. Julian who?

In preparation, Wry & Dry has battened down the hatches. Raised the drawbridge. Lowered the portcullis. And, in fact, has left the country (for a short time).

Wry & Dry #42-24 Dutton’s Rubicon. UK election: leaders last. Real estate opportunities.

It’s the biggest political move since Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon in 49 BC. And Readers know how that ended.

Uncle Fester Dutton cast the die with his announcement of seven sites for nuclear power plants. It has a sort of “built it and they will come” ring about it. Except his is: “announce it and they will vote for it.”

Err, perhaps some details are missing.

Wry & Dry #41-24 Dishonours. The Big Trip. Sins of the son.

Not since Roman Emperor Caligula appointed his horse Incitatus as a consul has a political appointment turned to such high farce.

It would not have escaped Readers’ attention that the former Chairman of the People’s Republic of Victoria has been appointed to the highest honour of Companion of the Order of Australia.

Wry & Dry #40-24 The lesser of two weevils. Al Capone. Bad dream.

With each passing hour, it is becoming clearer that voters in the US have an awful decision to make on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November.
A corrupt, narcissistic, megalomanial, neo-Fascist, vengeful, sociopathic populist felon; or
A creaky, well-meaning, stubborn, weak, peri-demential, ideologue.

Wry & Dry #36 FY-24 From the Murray to… “That would be the Euphrates”. Rats.

In the most flagrant breach of responsible government since that which caused then PM Whitlam to give Federal Treasurer Jim Cairns the DCM in 1975, Victorian Premier Allen has not given state Treasurer Tim Pallas the DCM.

And in abject bovine indifference, the financial media chewed the cud spewed out by the government’s PR machine and effectively said “Tut, tut. Must do better.”

Even the state opposition leader (err, bowler’s name?) couldn’t bring himself to ask for the head of Pallas to be impaled on a spike at the city gates.

Wry & Dry #35-24. Budget spin-time. Government grants meets Hitler youth. Covid responsibility.

It only comes once a year: budget spin time. Spinners opening at either end.

At the Victorian end, the spin will be in the hands of the well upholstered treasurer of Victoria, who has to somehow explain what he did with the money. Over the last 10 years.
At the Canberra end, the spin will alternate between Grim Jim and Albo (wearing a hi-vis vest, instead of the traditional creams).

WRY & DRY #34 FY-24. Invade, but not yet. Power. Local taxes.

Last week, Albo went back to the 1950s to build an Australian manufacturing sector to compete with… China. This week, Defence Minister Marles went forward to the 2030s with a massive re-armament programme to compete against… China.

Some $50 billion of new dosh over the next decade will be spent on new toys. But almost no new serious capability will be delivered for at least 10 years.

Albo has been on the phone to Emperor Eleven to ask if China will hold off invading until 2035.

Wry & Dry #33 FY-24. Back to the Future. Naked opportunism. Exempt me from 30% super tax.

Yesterday, Albo hopped into his flux-capacitor driven DeLorean and flew Australia back to the 1950s. Where it will convert into an FJ Holden world of tariffs and high costs.

Albo’s uncosted ‘Future Made in Australia policy’ dwarfed last week’s heady announcement of $1 billion of we-the-taxpayers’ money going to the feel-good cause of manufacturing solar panels. This is “No Australian child will ever live in poverty” (they still do) revisited, touched with “We will plant one billion trees” (we didn’t).

Wry & Dry #32 FY-24. Bumper post-Easter issue.

Robert Kennedy is an American environmental lawyer who promotes anti-vaccination misinformation and public health conspiracies. With an energetic blend of left-wing idealism and right-wing conspiracy theories, in his own mind he is the perfect person to challenge Sleepy Joe and the Trumpster for leadership of the free world. Which he has done.

His many university degrees will not help him as much as his name. Insert a middle initial, add a post-nominal indulgence and plain Robert Kennedy becomes Robert F. Kennedy Junior. He is a (cue drum-roll)… ‘Kennedy’.

Wry & Dry #31 FY-24 Where 88% is a fail. Where’s Dan? Useful idiot.

Tsar Vlad threw himself at the feet of his subjects. And begged to be re-elected for the 5th time. To make it easier for his subjects to vote for him, he wisely banned all opposition parties.

Under those circumstances, he really should have got at least 100% of the vote. So, an 88% result is a dismal failure.

Wry & Dry #30 FY-24 AUKUS. Sleepy Joe goes all in. Feeding the chooks.

The sound of the unwrapping of the French-equivalent-of-Ikea packaging in Adelaide should have commenced this year.

And Croesus Turnbull probably would have been there. With a bottle of cheap French champagne on hand, he would have turned the first Allen key to piece together the first of the French- designed submarines for the Royal Australian Navy.

Wry & Dry #29 of FY-24. Mercy Rule. By-elections. Military unintelligence.

The USA gave the world the ‘mercy rule’. This is where in a two-competitor sport, the game will end earlier than the prescribed endpoint because one competitor has a very large and presumably insurmountable lead.

Last weekend the authoritative New York Times/Siena College Poll had the Trumpster leading Sleepy Joe by 48% to 43%. It’s now time for Sleepy Joe to apply the mercy rule. And give himself the DCM.

Wry & Dry #28 of FY-24. Gender Equality. Nuclear. Spies.

The rest of the world: focused on Gaza, Ukraine and/or the Trumpster’s latest rambling monologue to bovine masses.

The Australian media: transfixed by the results of the most read survey since Publius Sulpicius Quirinius carried out a census in Judea in 6 AD. That survey (not the one by Quirinius) was by the Workplace Gender Equality Agency (WGEA). It’s a shocker.

Wry & Dry #27 of FY-24. Navalny. Border dogs. Barnaby.

The world was distracted by the Trumpster’s court-imposed penalty, the Super Bowl and the mess in Gaza. Then the murder of Aleksei Navalny awoke the world to the evil that is Tsar Vlad. At least for a short time.

The circumvolutive explanation of Navalny’s death from ‘sudden death syndrome’ would be laughable if it didn’t turn back the clock to the awful era of Stalin.

Wry & Dry #24 of FY-24. Brainless and invertebrate. “Keep it up-vibe…” Trusts’ tax.

It’s obvious. The Prime Minister doesn’t have a spine. And the Leader of the Opposition doesn’t have a brain.

If Readers hadn’t already drawn this conclusion before spending the summer swimming in the pristine waters of Port Phillip Bay or safely in Sydney Harbour, then the new year’s emissions of cant and idiocy from these two icons of incompetence will have settled any doubt.

Wry & Dry #23 FY-24. Bumper Christmas Issue

Wry & Dry needs to remind himself, and perhaps some Readers, of the major global events of 2023:

Jacinda Ardern, the Queen of Woke and Incompetence, gave herself the DCM

In an outcome that surprised the world, Emperor Eleven was unanimously re-elected as President of China

In a bullet fired into Tsar Vlad’s foot by Tsar Vlad, Finland became the 31st member of NATO.

Wry & Dry #22 FY-24. Emeritus Chairman Dan’s resume. Hamas: making money. GDP per capita falls.

It was feeding time at the media zoo on Wednesday. Hot on the heels of the PISA report showing that 26% of Victorian 15-year-olds’ educational proficiency was too low “to enable them to participate effectively and productively in life,” the long-awaited Ombudsman’s report into the Victorian public service under Emeritus Chairman Dan Andrews was fed to the salivating media mouths.

There was more than enough for indigestion. Victoria’s public service, the Ombudsman’s massive report said, is “ruled at the highest level by a culture of fear.” No subtlety there.

Wry & Dry #21 FY-24. Heaven: a busy week. Dubai: COP that. US: Haley’s comet.

It’s been a busy week at the Members’ Entrance to the pearly gates to heaven.

On Tuesday Charlie Munger arrived in a limmo longer than a bus. Charlie was Warren Buffett’s conservative investment alter ego. He arrived and immediately began arguing with St Peter about heaven’s recent investments (remembering that time doesn’t matter in heaven): “That St Peter’s Basilica property development in Rome was a waste of money.”

Wry & Dry #20 FY-24: Optus: J’Accuse …! Inflation. Netherlands.

It took an hour for Marie Antionette to be taken from her cell to the Place de la Révolution. On the way to the guillotine, she was jeered and abused by the Parisienne Mob. The Mob wanted a head on a platter. And it got it.

More recently, it took three days for Optus CEO Kelly Bayer Rosmarin to go from appearing before a Senate Committee to self-decapitation.

Wry & Dry #19 FY-24: Albo: What. Me worry? UK: sinking ship. Israel: maths.

Political opinion polls published on Monday screamed gloom for Albo. His preferred PM rating had fallen to 40% from 47%.

In response, Albo gave the Alfred E Neuman comment. Well, he actually didn’t say it. He didn’t need to: the same poll showed the Coalition’s primary support falling to 30%. Albo will be soundly sleeping; albeit in the pointy end of a Qantas A380.

Wry & Dry #18 FY-24: China: Echo Wall. Epidemics: RDS. Iran.

The news last week that former PM Keating had lost it completely with a recurrence of RDS was only a modest surprise. The bad news this week is that RDS is spreading.

Readers will recall that former PM Scott Morrison hailed his 2019 election victory as a miracle, for which he himself was entirely responsible. Clearly hoping to repeat the miracle in the epicentre of miracles, Morrison flew into Israel over the weekend.

Wry & Dry #17 FY-24: China. Keating. Anti-Semitism.

Some weeks ago, Wry & Dry suggested that the incoming head of the Productivity Commission Ms. Michelle Wood might get the DCM before starting her job. Her then sin was proposing an inheritance tax.

Wry & Dry mused then that perhaps she suffered from RDS. Proposing an inheritance tax certainly got the headlines.

But then on Wednesday, she again put her head above the parapet.

Wry & Dry #16 FY-24: Trumpster: diary. Anti-Semitism mask. Albo’s straining belt buckle.

Saturday: Florida. Played golf with some champion golfers. An Irish fella called McIlroy, a chick from South Korea, Jin Young Ko and a bloke named Tiger something. I WON!

Sunday: New Hampshire. Spoke at a rally. Told them “I don’t mind being Nelson Mandela.” I am willing to GO TO JAIL to defend democracy. Mandela was a patriot, like me. India should be proud of him.

Monday…

WRY & DRY #15 FY-24: Voice over. Sleepy Joe’s great speech. Never mess with a nun.

The Voice debacle gave rise to claims and counter claims that would make a lawyer richer than Croesus. The most risible was from journalists, newspaper-letter-writers and deniers who blamed the loss on Opposition Leader Peter Dutton.

Really? Dutton would be pleased to claim he single-handedly defeated a campaign backed by the full forces of the government, the ACTU, an overwhelming casket of cash, the major churches, large companies, universities, the major sporting codes, major industry superannuation funds and… Alan Joyce. SuperDutton? Yeah. Nuh.

Wry & Dry #13 FY-24: Disaster: Chairman Dan’s DCM. Trumpster the fraudster. PwC.

In a DCM-move that surprised many, Chairman Dan gave himself the DCM on Tuesday. This is a disaster of great magnitude.

Cartoonists all over Australia have lost a subject that yielded the Everest of political satire and ridicule. They feasted on the opportunity provided by arguably the most hated politician since Julius Caesar, whose DCM, unlike Chairman Dan’s, was not self-inflicted and caused by 27 knife wounds from six grumpy conspirators.

Emboldened by his own outstanding oratory and aided by an Opposition as weak as the Wallabies and as divided as post-war Germany, a fawning media and an upper house cross bench that were easily bought, he bestrode the political world like a colossus.

WRY & DRY #11 FY-24: Inheritance tax? Q just won’t go away. Deja vu all over again.

In a media debut up there with Moses publishing the Ten Commandments, the incoming Productivity Commissioner on Monday called for the re-introduction of inheritance taxes. Ms. Danielle Wood got the gig only last week.

Ms. Wood could make history. Her role doesn’t commence until November, and she could get the DCM two months before starting her job. In fact, to give herself even more of the attention she clearly craves, she should give herself the DCM.

Wry & Dry #8 FY-24: 40 years in the desert. Photo of the Year. No Russian mushrooms.

Moses had 40 years of wandering around the Sinai desert. His budget had red ink as far as the Red Sea, as demands upon his goatskin purse became larger. An ageing population, shrinking revenue base from date and palm sales, the need for increased defence spending to counter Egypt, that nearby wannabe world power, and his ballooning NDIS costs all caused grief.

But, with the help of manna from heaven, after those 40 years he somehow led the Hebrews to the land of milk and honey.

Wry & Dry #7 FY-24. “No child will live in poverty.” Trumpster the mobster. VinFast what?

When the Indians are circling your wagon, the lessons of Politics 101 are clear. Divert attention away from the Indians until the cavalry arrives. What better diversion than a big, ‘nation building’ policy.

Former PM Bob Hawke was a master at this. Readers will remember either of “no Australian child will live in poverty” and/or “we will plant one billion trees.”

Wry & Dry #5 FY-24. Trumpster smashes own record. Phoenix Team. US credit downgrade.

What proud citizen of the USA would not want a president who admitted to a business relationship with a porn start? Really, it’s about free speech. And free trade.

Or one whose high intellect and sense of history meant that building a personal library of really historic documents was really understandable.

And now, conspiracy. Really? What’s the fuss? Who in politics hasn’t conspired before, during or after office?

Wry & Dry #1, FY-24: Some of it was cricket. Foster country. Headhunters.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a batsman who is unhappy with the method of his dismissal will cry that it wasn’t “in the spirit of the game.”

And so it came to pass that in a recent cricket Test match, English batsman Bairstow was silly enough to leave his crease when the ball was still in play. He was correctly dismissed (“stumped”).

An outburst of outrage not seen at Lord’s since the Great Pimm’s Shortfall Crisis of 1926 then arose.

Wry & Dry #34: Sleepy Joe’s real reason for not coming. How to paint a debt ceiling. Cane toads?

Sleepy Joe has decided to cancel his trip to have gumnut tea and a lamington with Albo. His acolytes speak of the need to negotiate the raising of America’s ‘debt ceiling’. Nuh.

The real reason is the worry that Sleepy Joe might fall victim of the food on the Jetstar flight to Sydney.  And return to the US in a more horizontal position than is usually found on Jetstar. Then Armageddon: Kamala Harris would get the gig in the White House, at which she has already been measuring up curtains. 

Wry & Dry #14: Bumper issue. Outlasting a lettuce. Budget? Smudge it. Back to the future.

The last two weeks have unarguably been the UK’s biggest unforced humiliation since Suez. After the UK gilt market and sterling collapsed, she dumped her ideological newbie Chancellor of the Exchequer; agreed to overturn polices she backed days earlier; and fired her Home Secretary (is there an Away Secretary?). It was only then that her parliamentary colleagues began to wake up from their afternoon snoozes at their St James’ clubs. And looked at the latest polls.